I let my son cry today. I needed a break. Time for myself. And I don’t feel guilty.
My husband left Friday morning for a work trip to NYC. He left before out daughter even woke up. I was up at 530 am getting mentally prepared to be a single momma of 2 for the entire weekend. The last time my husband went out of town was over the summer and I was pregnant. It was rough, but nothing compares to what has happened thus far.
Friday wasn’t bad cause most of my day was at work which I appreciated. I left at 430 to get the kids and was home by 530. Spent the evening watching Trolls on Netflix followed by Moana and vice versa on heavy rotation. Then it was bedtime (thank god). Putting Jamison to sleep wasn’t hard, but Bexley…..that took an hour. She kept asking for Daddy and that broke my heart. She finally fell asleep next to me and eventually Jamison joined us.
Today [Saturday] has been rough. Woke up covered in pee, from both kids. Made breakfast for Bex and had to keep Jamison entertained while I load up the laundry machine, the dishwasher and take the dog out to use the bathroom. My daughter ended up covered in syrup so I knew a bath was in our near future. We ventured up to the master bedroom where the meltdowns began. Bex was playing with the water, Jamison is so tired he’s crying and I’m starving. I get Bex in the bath and began to wash her hair while Jamison is in the rock and play being rocked with my right foot. He’s crying, Bex is asking a million and one questions, the dog is sleeping on the bed I just stripped down and I’m on the verge of a meltdown. I took a deep breath and walked downstairs to the kitchen. I could hear Jamison start to cry and Bexley try to console him but I needed a minute to myself. I always said I would never let my children cry but I was crying myself and I just needed to be alone. But what am I thinking. I’m already alone. In this big house with 2 kids and a dog and I’m stressed. So much to do and I cant get everything done. I felt like the worst mom in the world for leaving my son to cry in the rock and play but I was no good to him at that moment… and that’s ok. Us women put so much on ourselves to be the best moms ever and provide our children with the best of everything and we get burnt out. We need to relax and let the kids cry for a minute. We are not good for them when we’re physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I even went back up stairs and continued to rock my son with my right foot as I washed my daughters hair with my hands. She looked at me and said “mommy’s busy” and I said “Yes, mommy is very busy today”. Jamison eventually fell asleep and Bexley was washed and laying in my bed watching Moana [again] and I got to take a much needed break.
Moral of the story. It’s ok to walk away. It’s ok to leave dirty clothes on the floor. It’s ok to cry when you’re stressed. It’s ok to let them cry. They will forgive you and they will still love you.